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Posts Tagged ‘rules’

If

If I started my own private engineering college,

  • I would call myself the chancellor to the college, and make my children pro-chancellors at the age of 10 in order to get a place in the Limca Book of Records. Don’t blame me, if you want, build your own college and make your 2 year old son a pro-chancellor.
  • I would locate it on either sides of a busy railway track and use bright spotlights so as to attract attention from people passing by. Don’t blame me, the shiney prospectus isn’t doing much good.

Location

  • I would employ the best photographer in town to take pictures that show shining faces in front of huge buildings to promote tourism, oh sorry, to attract students. Don’t blame me, people like to see beautiful looking campus.

Prospectus

  • I would accept donations for building the college, selling engineering seats. Don’t blame me, I’m just taking money from those who have it.

Seat

  • I would sanction 20% reservation for women students to access elevators. Don’t blame me, I’m just helping them grow in the society.

Lift

  • I would employ security guards, provide them with whistles and ask them to shreik when they see people of opposite genders within two feet of each other. Don’t blame me, I do support the abolition of section 377!

Gay parade

  • I would put up vast lawns, water them with semi-treated water (which still contains ammonia in order to spread its wonderful aroma). Don’t blame me, I’m recylcing water.

Recycling

  • I would put up huge walls around the women’s hostels (that even prisons would consider a high-benchmarks), barbed fences over the high walls, and 4-feet deep open-stormdrains right outside so that there’s no escape. Don’t blame me, I’m just concerned about their security.

Hostel security

  • I would issue hostel ID cards in order to keep a tab on how long each one of them are going out. Don’t blame me, I am answerable to parents should their irresponsible 20-year old child goes on vacation.

Hostel ID

  • I would impose a minimum 75% attendance per month criterion for students. Don’t blame me, I can’t bear to watch classes empty.

Attendance

  • I would increase the student intake exponentially every year. Don’t blame me, I’m providing an opportunity for people to study.

Intake

  • I would put up speedbreakers that are so high that even people walking would have to slowdown to jump over. Don’t blame me, safety is of prime importance.

Speed breaker

  • I would change college policies faster than people normally update facebook status message. Don’t blame me, no one else survives in my college beyond 5 years.

Tweet

  • I would waste paper by setting up an elaborate feedback system that could be computer-read, and make every student fill one up without ever taking the feedback into consideration. Don’t blame me, I just want the form to look cool.
  • I would enable wifi access throughout campus, however block over half the sites that are there. Don’t blame me, I’m just making sure everyone uses the internet right.

wifi access

  • I would make students fill several unnecessary forms for the same thing, and update the forms from time-to-time without any notice. And I would employ double the number of people to sit and type the filled in forms in excel-spreadsheets. Don’t blame me, I’m just providing jobs.
  • I would make people write letters for things others might consider trivial. Don’t blame me, I’m just making sure that the paperwork is clean.

Letter

  • I would allow everyone who is a staff to exercise power they don’t have. Don’t blame me, I’m just empowering people.

Hierarchy

Disclaimer: This blog-post is a work of my creativity. Any resemblance it might have to anything in reality is purely co-incidental. Yeah, right!

Picture credits: The elevator picture is derived from realityRN.com, which can be found here. Gay simpson cartoon courtesy Slap Upside the Head. Spongebob picture courtesy Parodies. The attendance shortage image was developed from this image up NCAH’s website. The speedbreaker image was lifted off cartoonstock. Tweets and firefox error page altered with the help of a script from here. All other cartoons, graphs, and smartarts were made using microsoft office, with help from good ‘ol photoshop.

P.S.: Do look through my newly updated blogroll.

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