If I started my own private engineering college,
- I would call myself the chancellor to the college, and make my children pro-chancellors at the age of 10 in order to get a place in the Limca Book of Records. Don’t blame me, if you want, build your own college and make your 2 year old son a pro-chancellor.
- I would locate it on either sides of a busy railway track and use bright spotlights so as to attract attention from people passing by. Don’t blame me, the shiney prospectus isn’t doing much good.
- I would employ the best photographer in town to take pictures that show shining faces in front of huge buildings to promote tourism, oh sorry, to attract students. Don’t blame me, people like to see beautiful looking campus.
- I would accept donations for building the college, selling engineering seats. Don’t blame me, I’m just taking money from those who have it.
- I would sanction 20% reservation for women students to access elevators. Don’t blame me, I’m just helping them grow in the society.
- I would employ security guards, provide them with whistles and ask them to shreik when they see people of opposite genders within two feet of each other. Don’t blame me, I do support the abolition of section 377!
- I would put up vast lawns, water them with semi-treated water (which still contains ammonia in order to spread its wonderful aroma). Don’t blame me, I’m recylcing water.
- I would put up huge walls around the women’s hostels (that even prisons would consider a high-benchmarks), barbed fences over the high walls, and 4-feet deep open-stormdrains right outside so that there’s no escape. Don’t blame me, I’m just concerned about their security.
- I would issue hostel ID cards in order to keep a tab on how long each one of them are going out. Don’t blame me, I am answerable to parents should their irresponsible 20-year old child goes on vacation.
- I would impose a minimum 75% attendance per month criterion for students. Don’t blame me, I can’t bear to watch classes empty.
- I would increase the student intake exponentially every year. Don’t blame me, I’m providing an opportunity for people to study.
- I would put up speedbreakers that are so high that even people walking would have to slowdown to jump over. Don’t blame me, safety is of prime importance.
- I would change college policies faster than people normally update facebook status message. Don’t blame me, no one else survives in my college beyond 5 years.
- I would waste paper by setting up an elaborate feedback system that could be computer-read, and make every student fill one up without ever taking the feedback into consideration. Don’t blame me, I just want the form to look cool.
- I would enable wifi access throughout campus, however block over half the sites that are there. Don’t blame me, I’m just making sure everyone uses the internet right.
- I would make students fill several unnecessary forms for the same thing, and update the forms from time-to-time without any notice. And I would employ double the number of people to sit and type the filled in forms in excel-spreadsheets. Don’t blame me, I’m just providing jobs.
- I would make people write letters for things others might consider trivial. Don’t blame me, I’m just making sure that the paperwork is clean.
- I would allow everyone who is a staff to exercise power they don’t have. Don’t blame me, I’m just empowering people.
Disclaimer: This blog-post is a work of my creativity. Any resemblance it might have to anything in reality is purely co-incidental. Yeah, right!
Picture credits: The elevator picture is derived from realityRN.com, which can be found here. Gay simpson cartoon courtesy Slap Upside the Head. Spongebob picture courtesy Parodies. The attendance shortage image was developed from this image up NCAH’s website. The speedbreaker image was lifted off cartoonstock. Tweets and firefox error page altered with the help of a script from here. All other cartoons, graphs, and smartarts were made using microsoft office, with help from good ‘ol photoshop.
P.S.: Do look through my newly updated blogroll.
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Great post da! The last picture on power distribution really cracked me up.
Thank you! Do look up close at the tweets too. Click the picture to see a more readable-view.
Whoa! Sarcy, creative stuff… Boy! Must have taken a lot of patience to scout and get those pics together.
PS. The mess attendance rule tweet suggested shades of the influence of one innocent soul living on the borders of andhra.
Thank you! Not much of scouting out when you know photoshop well enough. 😉 And yes, the Andhra boy would definitely win accolades should that rule be implemented.
P.S.: I urge you to look through my blogroll, I’ve given you a special mention in that. 🙂
Dei kolaveri stuff da!
Best was the disclaimer – “Yeah right!” Lol!
Thank you! And I forgot to add, “I would change the names of some of the department every two years.”
Liked the hierarchy especially the dogs we shot
Thank you!
haha good post..
ur “Poosibly related posts” obviously dint pick up my stuff :p
http://an-ass-in-the-lions-hide.blogspot.com/2008/05/life-at-vit-vellore.html
http://an-ass-in-the-lions-hide.blogspot.com/2008/05/10-commandments-thou-shall-not-fear.html
Great ones! I’ve much to relate to. But hey, should I say (for insurance purposes), that there’s much in common between my hypothetical university and the one you studied in. 😛
Nice One…Even i studied in the same university as Vicky……i didnt know u guy’s have to submit your hostel id card while goin out…we didnt have to…thank god we (somehow managed to)passed out long back
Well guys don’t have to do that yet I suppose. But things just get worse – so the sooner you pass out, the saner you are.
This post is the reason why blogging was invented…. thanks for giving words (and pictures) to the thoughts of so many V*Tians…
*one of the reasons why blogging was invented. It’s primarily for the love of writing, I’d say – come on, I don’t just bitch about stuff all the time. 🙂 Kudos!
hey its a great work, i like it so much yaar..
Thank you Purnima!
Hey Vig,
It’s an awesome post. And you’ve described the college very clearly without taking it’s name.
And I bet every single thing that you’ve written abt it is true. I hope the college mgmt takes note of the foolish rules that they force upon the students and do something to make them a bit reasonable.
Good Work !
Well if the college management gives a damn, this post wouldn’t have been up in the first place. But hey, we aren’t living in utopia now, are we?
I love you Man!!!!
I hope you mean you love my work. Thank you, if that were what you meant.
It wouldn’t surprise me at all when they live upto the standard of having High Tech hostels in next few years. This being justified as students swiping in/out instead of submitting their Hostel ID cards in order to track their timings.
Don’t utter it – people just might do it. There’s no end to the madness at these places.
awesome dude…. i never thght thigns will change so much… my times were more fun filled and less paper filed….
gud work….hope the ppl stop gettin into such jails.. 😛
True. They somehow just seem to be going along a downward spiral. From being okay, to bad, to worse, to worst, and worstest, and worstestest and so on. The number of “est”s you can concatenate at the end is unlimited. 😦
Its early morning here, and I can’t stop laughing reading ur post. Great work!
Glad to have helped start your day happy after a rather tiring and not-so-enjoyable flight journey. 🙂 And oh, you’re up my blogroll too – feel free to read through when you find time.
Believe me, I’ll do the same if given a chance to be a chancellor. :p
Yes, great minds think alike! 😀
Great post Vignesh. For five years I felt suppressed. It is very refreshing to read this. Are you a student in there right now? They can’t do anything at all about your post. (I’m sure you know).
These people will do any, absolutely any immoral thing to see their interests fulfilled and their arses covered.
It frustrated me for all those years that they:
Focused entirely on external apearances only. They stopped providing internet facilities in the Lab inspite of promising it on paper in the brochure! They suck your blood and energy out through those attendance schemes.
These morons would rather mow down thorn bushes to make a lawn with a troupe of gardeners rather than put more printers for staff to print notes.
Raj, thanks for the support. But hey, I’m not trying to destroy this place. Let them live their own way – gives lesser mortals like us to live happy ridiculing them. If you’re out of that hellhole, be happy! Cheers!
rotfl 🙂 hadn’t had so much fun in ages 🙂
hope that this isn’t real life experience !
Wish it were as simple. 😦 Thanks for dropping by though! 🙂
hey vignesh…. dont think i know you, but now i think why didnt it! seriously great stuff….. very creative! liked the pun and all that was hinted (not hinted) at…. good work!
however, havin been thr like 4yrs, dont quite feel it was all bad….. after all the best memories and the funniest ones are from a college, hope u had the same experience thr.
i know a couple of ‘heroes’ who went into the ‘hell-ore’ repentin they couldnt get into and IIT and came out 4 yrs down swept with flyin colours still weepin that it was ‘no IIT’.
but ur writin and pun was great and even though all u said was part of college culture, thr was lots of great stuff happenin thr as well (which can also be joked about) :P!
Thank you! And yes, the place is memorable once you’ve left it. If you go back after four years, it just isn’t funny anymore. But there are still many fond memories lingering around in my head. Glad you enjoyed reading the post!
Dude this is the shit! I had seen this earlier in Facebook and loved it. I had been 5 years in there for a Bsc and Msc degree. (Yes I came Back) and this post is a mirror of my feelings exactly. But sadly I am missing part of the college life now (read Hostel Life). Keep up the good work!
Thanks! Glad you could relate to!
awesome.. keep going…………….
Ho ho! It seems I still am going, everyday! LOL!
In the last 4 years i have helped a no. of guys …. their parents were asking me about it ….. and i shared my “lovely experience” … even their grandchildren will think twice before naming it twice
Or so you think! Parents somehow work in mysterious ways we don’t understand. Thanks for dropping by!
super cool man,,,,this is the best description . may be they should put it in the prospectus next year… 😉
Yes, that would at least warn kids as to what they’re getting into.
excellent job. iam expecting more like this
Thank you! Yes, more in due course of time. 🙂
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awesome post!! LOL 😀 in my college its 85% not 75 🙂 Most of the points are so apt!
Thank you! Although I’m pretty sure even this place would soon raise their standards to 85%! 😉
i am wondering,,, y m so late to read this blog.
anyways…great job.
Thank you! 😀
each and every word is true. tired of this restrictions here. even for pg level. great job